There is so much frustration. I know it's there; I see it in his eyes every time he tries over and over again to make me understand him. Each time saying the same thing, but it being something I can't understand. Yes, I know every parent goes though this with every child. It's just that it happens, like I said, generally when the child is half his age. So to have this be where we are out communication wise, when I know he has so much more than an 18 month old going on in his head is just heartbreaking at times. There are no secret jokes being whispered in my ears, no telling me long silly stories, and so many things I feel like I don't even know about my own child.
What's his favourite colour? Food? Bedtime story? I can ask him these things, sure. And maybe I might even get lucky and muddle through pointing and picking out things until I find the answer. But to get to have him tell me why? That's just hoping for much too much.
I know someday he will speak, and we will be able to sit down and discussing things. For now I can't help but feel a little cheated though, when I think of how fleeting these early years are, and how once they are gone, the magic of those whispered words will never be able to be regained.