Not quite dead

I have to wonder where my blogging mojo has gone lately? I really wish I could get out of my funk of being behind and then not wanting to try to play the catch up game. I have Christmas pictures I should post and then there is 'the quilt' and I just don't want to get caught up in the 'should haves' so here we go.

It is now 2009 and as such I am not going to worry about any of those things I ' should' post. If I get to them great. If not, well then it's just not in the cards. Instead I'd like to take a minute and reflect on just exactly what is going to be happening this year in the blogosphere of 'Kate the Great'.

This year I promise you will never see a post apologising for the fact that I've been too busy enjoying life to blog about it.

This year I am going to get some of my 'spice' back in life

This year I am going to celebrate the good in life and laugh off the bad.

And this year I am going to excel and finding the magic that only my family can create.

***

Want to know a little secret... I have decided something else about this year as well. I won't call it a resolution, because really, who keeps those (okay except that I did actually read the entire Book of Mormon this last year ) anyway, lets just call it more of an introspective though on reality and the presents to come. Here's the secret:

I have always struggles with the constant worry that in my journey through motherhood I would loose 'Me' and become just 'Mom'. I've always worried that if I didn't maintain some sort of life away from my kids I would cease to be the me that I was before them. Well guess what; no more of that. I have decided:

I want to loose myself in motherhood

Now hold your horses all you, who are my girl power feminist friends out there, you can pack away intervention tools. I am not saying that I will never do stuff that doesn't revolve around my children or I won't do anything for 'me' anymore. I simply mean that I have always worried that I would lose me, but really is there, or has there ever been a static me out there. Moreover look at what these phases in life present by way of adventure and growth.

We start out in life as people who really does think entirely of themselves, and that is a good phase, no matter what anyone says. It's healthy and good and I loved every minute of that phase. And then we learn to think of another person (spouse or signif. other) as someone who is all together more important than we are. I never had a problem giving myself entirely over to that phase of life either, because it felt like in finding someone else to love and worry for I was just expanding me. Again, wow... great.... But I think women worry about motherhood and that they will somehow lose themselves in it and at the end of the 20+ years of taking care of our children we will look at ourselves and wonder who they are.

Why would I not be 'mother' entirely when in reality it fleets by so quickly? Why would I want to worry about not soaking and revelling in every moment of sticky fingers and bedtimes kisses (and even moments like time out and teaching that poking your brother in the eye isn't the best way to solve a fight) when before I know it they will be gone and I can never get them back. And as if it was true of marriage that in giving my interests to another my 'self' grew, why would it not be true of the three people in this world who are as much a part of 'me' as anyone one person will ever be.

And then what happens when those monkeys are finally grown up and gone and I am left wondering who I am... I ask myself the question would I really want to be the 'me' that I was at 21 when I am 45? No way; the best part that after I've tucked away the 'full time mom' part of my life I can start from scratch and figure out exactly what I want to be and become.

So really this was long and probably boring if not confusing; but then again, if you're not inside my head I bet a great deal of what I post about is both boring and confusing.

But the moral of this story is that I have decided that it's not worth worry about what will happen to 'me' because there is no such thing as a constant, static Katie, and the more I embrace that the more I get to find new and exciting things that I can be at any given moment in life.