A week has passed since we brought Twinkle Toes home, and while the surreal bliss of his presence in my life has not quite worn off, I find myself thinking more lately about another one of my children. And while I promise that I will post the glorious details of Twinkle Toes entrance into the world, today this page belongs to the eldest of my brood.
Frog Prince is so special and so dear to me, yet it seems like lately we've been going through such a rough spot. I feel as though I am completely unable to touch whatever it is that is going on for him right now, and as a parent that is a truly helpless and heart breaking feeling. Even sitting here, where words tend to be my outlet of emotion and expression, I find myself wordless to describe how he and I seem to struggle around one another of late.
I think my husband summed it up well last night as we were praying; he asked Heavenly Father to help Frog Prince to have endurance, to learn to work through when he feels tired, or sad, or like life it too hard. And it seems as though, all too often, of late, life appears to be just too hard for him. It is as though at times I can literally see life weighing him down, and it's just awful to watch.
Yet, as his mother I struggle with both wanting to cuddle him and make it all better, and simultaneously wanting to just shake him by the shoulders and tell him to toughen up and realise that the world isn't going to be any easier than it is at home. His personality is just so different from mine in that regard that I can't understand it, and I can't deal with it long before I lose patience in his sorrows. That doesn't win me any mother of the year award, to be certain, but if we're going to paint the picture like it really is, it's the truth.
So then, how do I navigate the murky waters that he and I seem to barely tread of late? I, honestly, am unsure. And yet, even as I sit here, the prayers of my heart are answered with the words of President Monson when he said, "A mother’s unqualified love approaches Christlike love."
As well as, The Family: A Proclamation to the World: "Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children."
Perhaps it's in those two words; unqualified and nurture, that the answer lies, honestly I'm not certain. I, truthfully, think that every meaning of those two words can apply to our situation.
But for now as I reflect upon it all, I know that there is One who does understand the troubles of my little ones heart, and He is there for us both, as we struggle to find our footing again. He can lift up the injuries of a five year old that I can not touch, and he can take this unqualified mother's unqualified love, and somehow mould it to be what we both need.
It is in this knowledge, during quiet moments of reflections, like now, that the helplessness, and maternal sorrow melts away, and I can find joy...and know that here soon, my prince will have joy too.